Why developing empathy should be the focus for more effective kindness.
We often equate kindness to making someone else happier or helping someone in need. Random acts of kindness often trend online and lift the mood of negative news feeds and the day-to-day grind. Programmes that promote or teach kindness are in every school and so they should be — but I believe they’re often lacking a core skill. A skill that could dramatically increase the efficacy of these initiatives, as well as the wellbeing of students.
It’s empathy of course.
Reading the title of this blog, you may think at first that I am against kindness — I am certainly not. However, I have witnessed first-hand, in my own life, how often our own thoughts, perspectives and emotions lead us to act in a way that we ourselves would like rather than the person we are trying to help.
Treat others as you would like to be treated doesn’t go far enough.
Let me give you an example.
I was once walking through London and saw a man living on the street. I walked past him without any interaction and into a supermarket. I bought him a ham sandwich, a chocolate bar and a fizzy drink — enough calories to keep him going I thought! I felt like I’d done my good deed for the day, I felt good — maybe it relieved some of my guilt. I walked over to the man and presented him the goodies I’d purchased.
His first words as I passed over the food — “I don’t eat ham mate.”
‘Beggars can’t be choosers’ was my immediate and initial unfiltered thoughts, followed by ‘What type of beggar doesn’t take food when offered?’
The plot thickened when he proclaimed he couldn’t eat the chocolate as it contained milk and he was vegan.
‘What beggar is vegan!?’ — a question I thought to myself, showing complete ignorance and even dehumanisation of the man in front of me.
This was a rude awakening. There was no doubt I had tried to be kind, spending my own money, going out of my way to help someone else, but ultimately my ‘good deed’ had only acted to serve me in this instance. Had I said hello to the man first, interacted with him, asked his name and if he’d like anything in particular to eat or drink, the outcome would have been very different. In the simplest sense, I would have had a better understanding. I’d have been able to deploy empathy and my kindness would have had the intended impact.
Empathy in its simplest form is understanding whilst reserving judgement.
Many argue that there is an empathy-deficit in the world. However, I’d like to highlight the importance of this current era and the time of human development that we are currently in — a time like no other.
Never has the world moved as fast as it does now. Technology and the internet are booming and making our lives faster and more interconnected than ever. Thinking back to a couple of hundred years ago, our ancestors’ main aim would be to improve the quality of their family’s life with each passing generation, despite their environment and work remaining the same. This also includes the people that they were surrounded by.
Nowadays, we do not just come into contact with one village, but the whole world. Our lives are increasingly spent online and this means we are more likely to come into contact with those whose lives are significantly different to our own. Even offline, our world is more interconnected than ever. In 1991, 7% of the total population of the UK identified as non-white. Twenty years later, that has doubled to 14% of the total population(Source).
Our brains and our education system have not caught up with our dynamic, globalised world. We are rapidly combining different cultures, religions, beliefs and ways of life with each other like never before, both in our personal and professional lives. Trying to bridge the gap with kindness is not enough, if anything it’s a temporary and superficial fix. These differences can bring disputes if we lack the skills to bridge the gap: if there is no empathy.
Our schools are the most obvious example and model of this changing world. This year teachers will have many students entering classrooms who don’t speak the native language or who have moved from another country. How will they foster the skill of empathy? How will they form those connections between everyone in the classroom?
Empathy can seem a confusing concept, but it doesn’t have to be. Simply remember that everyone wants to be heard, feel seen and be valued. Oh, and it takes time to build so be patient, this isn’t a quick fix!
Whilst the next section is directed at teachers, there are some crucial lessons here for anyone and as I always say — everyone knows a teacher, so pass it on!
Here are 5 other ways you can help to build empathy in your school this year:
1. Take part in Empathy Week each year
A whole-school programme that is differentiated for age and includes 5 powerful and cinematic human stories and activities. Helping students to understand the perspective of another whilst learning and talking about real-world issues. Film has also been scientifically proven to develop empathy!
Join the schools in 40 countries that take part annually by registering here (free for state schools) and download a free lesson here too!
2. Connect with other classrooms across the world!
Luckily that’s exactly what Empatico do! An organisation that helps match classrooms from schools across the world so that they can learn about each other and the culture and society both live in — Oh and it’s completely free too!
3. Read non-fiction!
Books are a great way to stretch and build your empathic muscles, especially with non-fiction. Imagining and thinking about the perspective of another person. In the UK Empathy Lab runs an Empathy Day in June. It’s free for schools to sign up and they release a fantastic list of books that develop empathy each year.
4. Share more of your own life, worries, concerns, happy moments, life events.
Your students are human but so are you! Opening up (if you feel comfortable doing so) and sharing good and bad things that may have happened will form a deeper sense of trust, connection and empathy. It will allow your students to feel confident enough to do the same.
5. Keep an anonymous Empathy box in your classroom
Students can write something that they want to talk about with the class or something they don’t understand either anonymously or not.
For example: A child from Afghanistan may want to talk in class about their experience with the recent news of the Taliban takeover. It’s an opportunity for you to shift the focus of the class next time and allow that student to feel heard and seen on an issue they might have been sitting on and felt uncomfortable or without permission to speak about. The long-term benefits are going to be an increased sense of belonging within the group, wellbeing and a love for being in class.
Note: To make an Empathy Box work you need to actively use them. Try making at least one plenary a week focused around them and ask every child to write something.
Let us know what you think? Is there anything we’ve missed or that you’d like to add — leave a comment below!
Ed Kirwan is a qualified teacher, filmmaker and Founder/CEO of Empathy Week, a global annual schools programme that uses the power of human films to develop the crucial skill of empathy and leadership in students. Connect with him here
- You can register your school for Empathy Week at www.empathy-week.com
- Download a free lesson and film for your class here
